This story isn’t about pounds—it’s about freedom, identity, and self-worth.
Cici wanted to get skinny quickly. At 26 years old she was an experienced dieter and told me, “I feel this is my last chance”. Starting as far back as childhood, she had tried every diet going. When the diets repeatedly only worked short-term, she had paid privately to have a gastric band fitted.
The band really helped her regulate her intake, and she lost a very substantial amount of weight (22kg), but realized she still had ‘bad’ habits around food. She said she started to cheat the gastric band with very calorie-dense foods, and to her deep disappointment, the weight returned again, so that she felt back to square one.
Avoiding photos
I asked Cici about the ways in which her weight was negatively affecting her most, and one particularly upsetting effect was not being willing to have a photo taken. This meant that there were no family snaps that included her. Nights out with friends, posted on Instagram, included everyone except her as she made sure she was out of the picture.
She said that she desperately wanted to get to a point where she could happily join family or friends when people were taking photos.
Her starting point
Cici said she had always had a bad relationship with food. She had been bullied at school about her size, which meant that what she weighed came to dominate her life. In the hope that weighing less would make her feel good about herself.
She saw herself as having no self-control. Despite the fact she had stuck to demanding diets over and again. (I’ve noticed this time and again with clients – that people who’ve exerted tremendous self-control in following particular diets, still see themselves as lacking self-control).
Cici had a sense that actually changing her relationship with food would give her one last throw of the dice. She wanted a more psychological approach, that would work at a deeper level than rules of what, when and how much to eat.
The process
- First, we looked at the specific eating habits that were keeping her stuck. Being concrete in this way allows you to home in on your particular patterns of eating, and tackle one at a time.
This is important, because a lot of how you eat may not need fixing! Cici was a dab-hand at cooking from scratch, and her meals were healthy. But there were some key features of how she ate that she was really unhappy with –
- She snacked between meals, and her workplace was a minefield for casual eating. People brought in trays of donuts, and she would regularly find herself eating more than the one she intended.
- She craved cookies in the evenings when she was home alone.
- She ate when she was bored or stressed.
- I introduced her to the Appetite Pendulum and suggested she begin to notice how she felt physically after eating, to start to help reduce the size of the snacks she was eating between meals.
I guided her through a series of specific steps – after we addressed snack size (down from 3 donuts to 1 donut), we looked at meal size, and then beginning to notice whether or not she was hungry when she thought of eating. As we worked on reducing emotional eating and addressing food cravings, she increasingly noticed how unkindly she spoke to herself around food and eating.
- Cici started to realize that she needed to change the way she thought and to accept herself regardless of the number on the scales. She started to notice how harshly she spoke to herself, as we wove self-compassion in to the work we were doing on changing how she ate. Being kinder to herself became more natural.
Outcome
Cici lost a significant amount of weight through retraining her appetite (31kg or 68 lbs) – something she had dreamed of at the start. But as you’ll see from watching how she describes her weight loss journey, something much more profound shifted. So much so, that she actually saw the changes in her relationship with herself as the main achievement, and the weight loss as an added bonus!
This witty, caring, smart young woman finally came to see herself as others saw her.
The proof of the pudding
A while after our last meeting, I had an email from Cici, with a photo attached. Not just any photo, but a photo from her wedding day. She and her new husband looked radiantly happy, and she looked really relaxed for the camera.
You can hear Cici describe the process in this video she kindly made: “68 lbs weight loss was just one benefit of many!”
The essence of Appetite Retraining is simple
Appetite Retraining isn’t a diet – it’s a psychological approach to changing your relationship with food for the better. In a nutshell –
- Start where you are now
- Look at the specific eating habits that are keeping you stuck
- Address one unhelpful eating habit at a time
- These stepwise changes will lead to you eating more in tune with your appetite, and what your body needs
- Obstacles/ hurdles are to be expected when you change something as basic as how you eat, so go easy on yourself and gently bring yourself back on track
How you can try the approach for yourself
If Cici’s story resonates with you, you can use the principles of Appetite Retraining for yourself.
- You can use the resources on my website – starting with the Unhelpful Eating Habits checklist and the Appetite Pendulum.
- You can buy my book, How to Retrain Your Appetite
- You can dive much deeper if you want to buy my pre-recorded course
- Sign up for my free newsletter
Dr Helen McCarthy