You and I have parts, or aspects of ourselves, that can make weight loss difficult.
If I didn’t have these aspects, I’d never have got interested in this field myself. And I’m guessing that you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t too.
How do these parts or aspects show up? Probably in the form of a sense that you really don’t care, whilst knowing that actually, you really do.
You’re worried that this part of you will derail your progress and have you back at Square One in no time. Don’t worry – there is a way to relate to this part of you that will help you keep on track, whilst taking that part along for the ride.
That’s what this blog is about.
How to understand what’s happening here
What’s happening here psychologically?
Although we often feel like we’re a single entity – a person – that’s not the full story. It’s more that we have a central observing self, and various parts, or aspects, or mind-sets that show up through the course of a day. They come and go like the weather, but like a British summer, when they stick around and we don’t like them, they can cause trouble.
The trouble intensifies when we become fused with a particular part/aspect/mind-set, and only see the world from within it. Then it can feel like being at the mercy of an emotion, or a rebel, or perhaps a child.
“I don’t care whether I keep on track – I just want chocolate” takes over your mind, and you inhabit it for a while. Long enough to eat the chocolate.
Soon the kaleidoscope of your mind turns around to the part that regrets the eating and berates you for giving in. A not-so-merry merry-go-round.
How do these aspects or mind-sets develop?
Whatever you call them, parts or aspects of yourself develop to perform particular jobs or functions. Whether you call them parts, aspects or mind-sets probably relates to how separate they feel from ‘you’.
There’s not space to go into that here, but it’s useful to go with whatever term resonates with you. I’ll mix them up.
The part that’s getting you to eat ice cream when you intended not to, just an hour ago, may be a part that seeks pleasure, or does things its own way. It helps you pursue something you yearn for – being taken care of, or autonomy perhaps.
These yearnings are healthy and human, and they may have come under the cosh whilst you’ve been focusing on eating less. So you’ve got the part that wants to keep losing weight, and a part that wants pleasure or freedom.
When the food does it all for you
The part that really doesn’t care about weight loss really does care about something else. It’s not delinquent. And if you respond to it with an ASBO (Anti-Social Behaviour Order for anyone outside the UK), it may well up the ante.
And it knows from experience that food provides what it’s yearning for. It gives comfort and pleasure. Or it strikes a blow for freedom from overly-strict diet rules.
This part is not only not delinquent – it’s also not stupid.
What situations does this tend to happen?
From talking to lots of people who experience this type of inner tussle, it seems that there are particular times when it happens most:
- When you’ve reached your weight loss goals, or nearly done so (I think this is because the stakes are now much lower)
- When you’re tired
- When you’ve drunk alcohol
- When you’re overwhelmed
How to respond to the part that doesn’t care
Responding to less helpful parts of ourselves takes some energy and focus, but it is SO worth the effort. Because as you hone this skill, you can use it in other areas of life. And that is life-enhancing.
- First, accept it’s there. Acknowledge that this is a part of you but not the whole of you… It’s part of my experience but it doesn’t define me. It’s part of my experience and my consciousness contains it. Include it, and notice that you are distinct from it (and while you’re at it, perhaps notice that you’re also distinct from the part that single-mindedly wants to keep losing weight)
- Second, find a strategy or technique that gets you through the situation in a way that’s in line with what matters to you in life you could try something like
- Imagine how you’ll think and feel later on, feeling proud of yourself
- Self-soothing
- A practical action like going to bed if the situation is a late-evening thing
- Put friction in the way of you doing the don’t-care thing (eating or drinking) so you can do it, but it will take more effort.
- Third, take a new angle in how you talk to yourself when your just-don’t-care part shows up. Think compassion and self-respect. Like, “Hey, you’re there and I recognise how you’re ready to help with refusing to be told what to do (or with seeking comfort etc). I choose to acknowledge you and maybe not act on you this time”.
In other words, respond to the wilful thoughts in a planned and helpful way. You probably do this all the time in other areas of life. When you know that there’s something you don’t want to do, but you take yourself by the hand and do it anyway, because there’s something at stake that really matters.
Do you want help with your mind-set around eating and weight loss?
If you’d like my professional help with addressing your own particular issues, please click the link to apply for a free Eating Pattern Analysis with me. Where we look at your particular situation in detail and make a plan for reaching your goals.